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Loving the Lord by Seeking His HeartI was born into a Christian family that loved the Lord above everything else. I grew up hearing many things from the Bible and about God. In many ways, I was aware that my family life was different from others because of my parents' love for the Lord and the things of the Lord. Everything in our lives was scheduled and planned around Bible studies, Christian conferences with other lovers of the Lord, caring for new believers, etc. Coming from this background I struggled with knowing God as my God and not my parents' God. I was saved and baptized by my eighth grade year. From this experience, I saw something of God that caught me for the Lord, yet I was unclear what I had seen and experienced of the Lord, exactly. Throughout my high school years I sought to know the Lord Who saved me. I struggled, however, with the realization that my living did not match my love for the Lord. I felt that this was a sign that I did not love the Lord at all. This struggle continued on into my college years. By my second year of college, I was frustrated to the point of leaving the Lord and all of those who loved the Lord. I decided that I could not love the Lord or follow the Lord properly, so I simply would not. I began to have a strong desire to leave all that I knew, my family, my friends, the Lord and the local church. I chose a study-abroad program in Toledo, Spain, and left by the end of my second year of college. I studied, explored where I was living, and began to talk to people about what made them happy hoping to find an answer. I was quite content for a time. Eventually, I became sick with a flu virus that was going through Europe at that time. From my study-abroad program, 11 people went to the hospital, including myself, to be treated for dehydration. For the first time in my life, I was without my family, without anyone I really knew or who knew me. Even I tried to pray, to ask the Lord for comfort, for something, anything. I distinctly remember sensing that something was not right. It was almost as if the Lord was not there and did not care for my need. I did recover after 2½ days. I returned to the U.S. and immediately began to serve with the high school students in the local church. They were having a camp to pursue or learn to pursue the Lord together (2 Timothy 2:22). I was overwhelmed with how real the Lord became to me as I spent time with these young high schoolers. The Lord opened my eyes to see that I really desired the Lord Himself, but I would not have the Lord and pursue Him properly without caring for His heart, what He cares for. Coming back from Spain gave me a real sense of coming home. The Lord's heart is with those who are pursuing Him out of a pure heart (2 Tim. 2:22). This caused me to pray and give myself to the Lord to love Him how He wants me to love Him, and He led me to other believers who are pursuing Him and His heart's desire. The Lord will always be with us, but to know Him, love Him and pursue Him is to care for what He cares for, where His heart is; this is the Body of Christ (Philippians 3:12,14). Christina Li | Back to List |
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